High School Romance

How epic is this?!!

About 5-6 years ago now, I started 'going out' with a guy from school. At the time I was a devout Mormon, and after a few months of my parents forcing us apart, we broke up resulting in teenage heartbreak and misery.


Last night we bumped into each other in a pub. Both, very drunkly, decided that it was a great idea to flirt and go back to my family-free house...


Of course, one thing led to another and we slept together. Making him now, Number 8. Strange really seeing as he could have been Number 1, but in 2007...


It's Ok, no feelings there - promise! It was just rather fun to be honest, not awkward at all!


I find the way things turn out in life ever so interesting...

The Inappropriateness of Men

So I fucked this guy like 14 months ago. He was serriooously drunk and had spent the hour or so beforehand having tantrums and screaming fits outside his ex's house.


It was a sympathy 'this hopefully will help you get over that bitch and make you grow up' shag.
(Please refer back to my previous post about 'Saying Yes by not saying No leads to Whoredom etc' if you just can't understand how this is a reason to fuck someone. 'Cos believe me, it's really not. No. But 'No' was the one thing I didn't say. As ever.)


Anyway, I shagged him in my house - one of only three men that have had this great privilege and the only one of these that has done so while my entire Mormon family were in their beds just walls away... Wrong I know.


It wasn't the best shag ever - possibly due to his drunkeness... But he left pretty much straight away, not that I minded. I seem to remember describing this to friends as 'well he's not the best endowed, and quite a hairy shag tbh'


The next time I saw or really spoke to him again (other than the awkward 'just to make sure you didn't think that was anything more than it was' talk the next day) was christmas eve.


He turned up (Drunk, again) outside my house telling me he really liked me and kissing me, all in the hope of getting in my pants again I'm assuming. I do believe it was snowing and I told him it was cold and to go home...

This was the last I heard from him for a few months, when he called me drunk at 2am telling me he'd like to see me or something. It was nothing I really gave a shit about, hence the lack of commitment to memory.


The next time I saw him was in August. He turned up (Drunk, what a suprise) outside my house. Can't remember what happened then but I'm pretty sure his friend turned up and took him home.

I'm sure he's called me again (drunk) at 2am a few more times too, but the main reason I'm even writing this (at 2:30am...) is due to him just having called me 6 times and texting me, clearly drunk, telling me he wants to see me.


I mean srsly. He only calls when drunk or whatever, when I have seen him he's been extremely needy and to be completely honest, really fucking annoying. Why the hell would I want to get out of my bed, or off my ass and go out in the rain to see him?

No. Totally inappropriate. Literally.

<3 This!

Jenna Marbles

I got another obsession last week.


Jenna Marbles.

Jenna Marbles, real name Jenna Mourey, is a YouTube comedian, Blogger and Go-go dancer. She's not dumb though, she's got a masters in Sports Psychology and Counselling - Wikipedia has a pretty good profile of her.


She's epic. I don't think I can sing her praises any higher. Srsly.


So I thought I'd link my favourite top five videos from her.


1. How to get ready for a Date

2. What Girls Think About During Sex.

3. How to Avoid Talking to People you don't want to talk to

4. When the face doesn't work

5. People I Would Fuck

Not only is she a comic genius, but she's also HOT. I don't usually swing that way, but I'd just like to put it out there that I would hypothetically fuck her. (You'll have to watch number 5 to get that reference...)


Awesome.

Saying 'Yes' by not saying 'No' leads to Whoredom, Financial Worries, and General Life Problems...

I am horrifically, extremely, stupidly unable to say no. To just about anything.


As great as this trait may be for others, it is definitely not good for me. This is mainly because of one thing: People take advantage. If you are willing to give, believe me, others are damn well ready to take - and to keep taking. Constantly. Until you have given all you have to give.


So as I say in the post title - "Saying 'Yes' by not saying 'No' leads to Whoredom, Financial Worries, and General Life Problems.."


Basically I have a major fault. I have serious problems when it comes to saying no, refusing people, letting people down etc. Quite simply, I don't do it. At times I really want to, I very much do not want to do every little thing that others say they want from me. One thing I am rather good at, is not actually saying yes. I pussy foot about acting like I might just maybe be swayed into saying 'Ok, fine, sure I'll come pick you up at 4:30am, I'll lend you £500 I don't actually have, sure I'll just fuck you..". Thing is, the way I think it seems to be is that I'll say 'oh but I need to be up early, I don't think I have much cash and oh not today, I'm not in the mood'. But never a straight, direct 'No'.


Why the bloody fuck can I not just turn around and say 'No, you know what, I don't want to put myself out for you, what shit am I ever gonna get from you?! Seriously. No thanks.'


Thanks to my total lack of definite denial or refusal to bend to every whimsical wish of others, I am skint. First, I lent around £3,000 to my ex-boyfriend. A selfish mother fucker that did nothing but take, take, take. Never ever give. He made me cook, clean, pay for every little thing, and that's not even getting started on the sex! That was all one way too!


So now to the claim that 'not saying no' leads to harlotry. Seriously, it does. Granted I'm a total whore anyway, but the amount of guys I've fucked simply because I couldn't say no? That's at least 4 of the 7, if not more! And the rest of the guys that I've shagged more than once I haven't necessarily been totally up for it every single time. But can I say no? No. I can not.


Let me just explain the actual background as to why I'm having this slight rant. Last night, I saw my ex-boyfriend - yeah, the one that's a total sponge. He basically told me he wanted me to move in with him in Cheltenham, that he wanted to take me on a date, and then proceeded with kissing me and sticking his hands down my pants. I can't say I didn't enjoy it, but I can't say it was my first choice of an evening's activities. Personally, I would have rather gone to see the guy that has been my fuck buddy for over 17 months now. I hadn't seen him for 6 weeks and he wanted to see me. (N.B. Fuck buddy & Ex-BF HATE each other) I told the fuck buddy I was at a friend's while out with the ex-boyf. So I got home at around 11pm, pretty much just changed, and went straight back out to see the fuck buddy, who banged me so hard I have been aching all day.


Totally worth being a whore for that, however, why could I not have just said no to the ex-boyf and not gone to see him? But seen the guy I wanted to see instead?


Sure my fuck buddy is totally using me for sex. But it was good. So fuck it.


However, now I have general life problems. I still care about my ex-boyfriend - as a friend. He's got a lot going for him, just got himself a great job and a new car; he is still an arse though, I am pretty certain of that. But the sex is way too good with the fuck buddy, although he has no evident career path or money. I'm not sure we'd fit together as a couple, but myself and him are total opposites. He is totally laid back and calm, whilst I worry and get stressed out. Maybe that makes us work? But I only ever see him for sex - so I have no way of telling if we'd work in a normal environment!


Maybe neither of them are right for me? But then, who is?


Oh dear lord, Help!


Shit.

C'est Moi

Sexy Time & an interruption by the Po-Po

Thought I'd interrupt my weeks blogging drought by posting a rather amusing story from last night...


So there I was, midnight and I'm sat in the entrance of a field on a lane, in a car with my sex friend. Like you do.


'Take off your clothes slowly, it'll be sexier'


Thank Christ I did go slow because no sooner than I'd stripped down to my underwear, a car drove past...


Not only did they decide to casually drive past, but they also thought they'd stop, and shine a torch into the car.

- Remember here, that I'm sat in nothing but knickers and a bra!

I look up and out of the window, and see the fluorescent stripes of a police car.

Fucking brilliant.

Naturally I kinda shit myself. He doesn't though, he's totally calm. But then, it's alright for him, he's still fully clothed and it's not like it's his car!

The police's next choice: put on their flashing blue lights. 

I must have pulled on my jeans in about 3 seconds. My fuck buddy's just sat there telling me that they won't do anything, 'chill out, don't worry, they'll probably just go away in a minute...'


To be fair, he was right and after what felt like five minutes, they finally drove off down the lane.


And here ends the story. I was properly paranoid that they'd come back though, so we drove off and found a more concealed (from the road) place to have sexy time... (And it was good)

Sex on the Beach

“Don't grow up too quickly, lest you forget how much you love the beach.” - Michelle Held

An ironic statement seeing as when I was younger, I didn't really like the beach much. I have major hate for sand. I'm all good walking on it or whatever, but it gets EVERYWHERE. Like in your shoes and clothes and food and car. Literally EVERYWHERE.


Well the reason for this blog, is that I'm majorly craving beach time due to the boiling hot sunshine in England right now. A spontaneous beach trip is definitely on the agenda atm!

I totally need to get myself a decent swim suit though, the most difficult challenge of the season...


Not only do you get stupid amount of choice - there's what like, bikinis, tankinis, one pieces, two-pieces, swim dresses, swim shorts etc etc - but then it's gotta fit you, and suit you, and not ride up, or down, and be the right colour and design, and have good straps, not be too short, or overly revealing... it's just a total nightmare!

Which brings me onto Sex...

Sex on the Beach.

So I think the beach is just about one of the only places I haven't done it!


Just found a rather amusing article...
The Mirror's 'Sex on the Beach' - How to


I can't get over the 'Getting Together' - a.k.a. Dogging - section in this article. Brilliant!

Most importantly for getting in the summer mood is of course...


The Cocktail.


1 x Peach Snapps
2 x Vodka
2 x Orange Juice
2 x Cranberry Juice






Gotta love the Summer Tunes!

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater...

"More than one third of the approximately 205 million pregnancies that occur each year worldwide are unintended and about 20% of them end in induced abortion." - Wikipedia

So there I was on Sunday, sitting in a hospital while my best friend was going through the traumatic abortion experience.


Obviously this is a rather controversial topic so I can understand if people choose to get quite passionate over this... 


Anyway, back to my best friend. We went together to the 'Central Health Clinic' in town where she went in for a scan, some blood and urine tests and a consultation to decide if abortion was right for her. Turned out she was only 6 weeks pregnant (we originally were told 11, which was quite a lot more distressing to think about). She opted for the 'Early Medical Abortion' - You basically take a tablet, wait a while in the clinic, then go home. A couple of days later, you are given some 'vaginal pessaries' which cause the womb to contract and the pregnancy to be 'expelled'. This option is pretty much just like a miscarriage, other than that it's induced.


It's not pleasant, not gonna lie. They get you to go to the loo in a cardboard container (looks a bit like an inside out cowboy hat, haha) but it basically all comes out. Pretty graphic. I went to the loo myself at one point and someone had left one of these containers in there. Not nice. Probably wouldn't have been able to cope looking at it if I hadn't seen it all before, not that I've been through abortion, but at the age of 17 I did have a miscarriage under 10 weeks. That was definitely more horrible though I think, I didn't get pain killers or hospital conditions - I just sat at home in pain :(


Equally as distressing is typing 'abortion' into Google Images. Seriously. Don't do it!


I'm assuming due to the lack of NHS funding and overcrowding in these places was the reason for 4 beds in one room separated by a curtain. You can hear everything that's going on in all the other beds, it's not really too nice hearing another woman telling her partner or the nurse about what's being 'expelled' into the cardboard cowboy hats... Although probably the most distressing part was hearing a 15yr old girl sobbing.


Most amusing thing of the day was definitely walking into the waiting area and seeing 'The Book of Mormon' sat there on the book shelf... Oh the irony of it!

Barack Obama - The first 'Pro-Abortion' US President

I can't say I totally agree with aborting a pregnancy. In fact, I don't agree with it at all. However, I feel like if it's in the best interest of the potential mother, then it should be ok. My friend was doing it because she's in her 2nd year of Uni and couldn't financially support a child at this time in her life. The 15 year old, well, she's 15. I just worry that it would emotionally mess up a person, both in the short and long terms, knowing that they've basically killed their own child.

Homo-status

It is quite difficult to write about such things without sounding prejudiced, or sexist, but still giving it a humourous spin. I'll give it a go...!

Just to clarify, I don't personally think I am a lesbian. This is merely about the strange exposure to lesbianism I seem to have had recently.

I was brought up as a Mormon. For those who don't know, a lot of mormon kids seem to be pretty sheltered by their parents. As a child/pre-adolescent teen, I wasn't exposed to films rated over 15, allowed to listen to music with swearing, or watch TV with 'inappropriate content' - this included soaps like Eastenders or even Grange Hill.


Consequently my 'gay-dar' is atrocious. I find it really difficult to spot gay people for the simple fact that I don't really expect it of people. Someone else usually would have to point it out to me before I realised. Unless it was super-obvious, which is a bit different I suppose.


As previously stated, I have had a lot of 'exposure' to homosexuality lately. My boss is 'bisexual' and lives with her very gay girlfriend (who I also work with). I've worked there for nearly two years now but only found this out about 6 months ago (despite their relationship having been going on for over a year...) I was really surprised! I didn't even click!


I spent the day with my boss on Saturday. Not going to lie, it was very interesting. Especially as she seems really up for maybe getting married to a man and having kids in a few years. She's also quite hard on her girlfriend for being a full lesbian. Anyway, I've never really spent social time with a lesbian/bisexual person before, and it was a bit weird for me (thanks to my upbringing) to find her such a normal kind of person to hang out with, not in a sexist way, but in a naive way.

I also recently found out that one of the trainee managers (who has moved away now) was also gay, yet another shock! Only guessed because of all the gay banter about and with her.

There's a woman/man in the coffee shop across the road that apparently had a sex-change from a male to female and is rumoured to still has a wife and kids. This I find incredibly strange. How and why would a woman let her husband go off and get a sex change?! What about the kids?!


There's also some random woman in the kitchen that is definitely a gay. 


Anyway, not really sure what else to write about, other than that there's a lot of rumours going around that I'm a lesbian - which I'm not btw.

So, Some Amusing Quotes...

"Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian."

Fran Lebowitz

"It's so tiring to make love to women, it takes forever. I'm too lazy to be a lesbian."

Camille Paglia

"I am not a lesbian and I am not a slut, and somehow I am going to make people believe me."

Vanessa Williams 

"I am not, I repeat, NOT a lesbian - even though I'd like to be one when I grow up."

Dawn French

Children should be seen and not heard

Youngest Kids to get ASBOs (11 & 12yrs)

"Bloody fuck. Let's go, that fucking bastard woman looks fierce"


(Note the conjoining contradictory terms)

10 year olds should not know this kind of language, mainly because they do not know how to use it, consequently using it inappropriately and superfluously, but also because they are 10.

The story behind this is that there were a pack of wild 10 year olds hanging around outside my house at around 8pm GMT (much too late for kids of that age to be wandering the streets unsupervised if you ask me) shouting, fighting and generally disturbing the peace.


Due to my current state of un-well being, I watched them for a couple of minutes before, after one decided to climb up the garden to retrieve a balloon, to tell them to 'go away please'.


Any self-respecting teenager would probably have gone pretty quickly - perhaps with the remark 'ah shit, let's go else that bitch will call the police', but this for once was not the case. For some reason the children seemed stunned that I'd called from the window to tell them to please leave, and decided that hanging about and shouting some more would be the appropriate option.

But I'm not one to give up easily.

I wanted to continue chilling out in peace and was not about to simply close the window and ignore them. Glaring at them with a look that could kill they slowly started to get the hint, but it still took at least another 3 minutes before they'd completely cleared the area and run off.

I do wonder often times what schools actually teach children, and really do think that parents should play a bigger part in the disciplining of their otherwise future ASBO children.

I certainly would not let my children be getting up to the kinds of things those young'uns were playing at! And to be perfectly honest it's children like that that completely put me off conceiving and bearing offspring.

Oh, and my rock garden is now covered in Balloon remains as the thoughtless children decided popping them on the roses was their best idea of the evening. Eurgh. Disgraceful!

An interesting article: The Worst Your Kid Can Do - includes a brilliant list 'What those Brats can do'

A brilliant banned commercial that I feel sums up my thoughts on this completely!

It's All Greek

As previously stated in my 'about me' section, I get random obsessions with topics of learning and research it endlessly until I get bored and move on to the next thing - I kind of miss primary school for this reason as it was the time of 'Victorian Week' and 'Farming Week' and 'Roald Dahl Week'. I often find short projects much more preferable due to my somewhat short attention span and fluctuating motivation levels.


This week I have had a bit of an obsession with Greek mythology. No wonder really, the Greeks are pretty interesting running around naked (literally, google 'greek olympics') and getting with every man, woman and family member possible. This educational googling madness all started when trying to decide what to name this blog, wanting something witty yet descriptive, but also with deeper meaning.


I was considering something to do with the 'nymphs'. For those of you who do not know, nymphs were basically gods of particular nature groups, for example oak trees, fountains or clouds. Always young, female and beautiful they are protective of their designated location or landform and consistently appear as sexual predators or victims throughout greek mythology (see this link for the story of Hylas and the Nymphs).


You only have to open Urban Dictionary to see all the modern sexual connotations of 'nymphs'- from the more innocent 'sexually desirable young woman', to more explicit 'horny female', 'girl that craves sexual satisfaction constantly'.


Ultimately, in life I probably am what some would call 'a bit of a nymph', and where as I would like to say I am merely a 'sexually desirable young women' I'm sure a fair few would disagree and say the connotations extend much further than this. No doubt as I open up to the 'blogosphere' and followers get to know me they will get to know just what I mean!


Currently my account photo is also of Disney's depiction of 'Megara' from Hercules (also related to this Greek Mythology melarkey!)
I must admit I do love her just a bit. She's got a lot going for her really - her history of selling her soul to Hades in exchange for the release of her lover from Hell (turns out to be Adonis, favourite mortal of Aphrodite - God of Love, Beauty and Sexuality), all in all proof she's a romantic. She's also got strong independance and ability to trick a demi-god in order to get what she wants from Hades - her freedom. Ultimately though, she is a total damsel in distress needing to be saved at least twice in the Disney film (and more but other times she'd set it up herself). Also for a cartoon character she's pretty damn attractive what with her slim waist and lovely thick curly hair - and an awesome dress! She also sings what is definitely up there in the top 5 best Disney songs of all time! (See below)