As great as this trait may be for others, it is definitely not good for me. This is mainly because of one thing: People take advantage. If you are willing to give, believe me, others are damn well ready to take - and to keep taking. Constantly. Until you have given all you have to give.
So as I say in the post title - "Saying 'Yes' by not saying 'No' leads to Whoredom, Financial Worries, and General Life Problems.."
Basically I have a major fault. I have serious problems when it comes to saying no, refusing people, letting people down etc. Quite simply, I don't do it. At times I really want to, I very much do not want to do every little thing that others say they want from me. One thing I am rather good at, is not actually saying yes. I pussy foot about acting like I might just maybe be swayed into saying 'Ok, fine, sure I'll come pick you up at 4:30am, I'll lend you £500 I don't actually have, sure I'll just fuck you..". Thing is, the way I think it seems to be is that I'll say 'oh but I need to be up early, I don't think I have much cash and oh not today, I'm not in the mood'. But never a straight, direct 'No'.
Why the bloody fuck can I not just turn around and say 'No, you know what, I don't want to put myself out for you, what shit am I ever gonna get from you?! Seriously. No thanks.'
Thanks to my total lack of definite denial or refusal to bend to every whimsical wish of others, I am skint. First, I lent around £3,000 to my ex-boyfriend. A selfish mother fucker that did nothing but take, take, take. Never ever give. He made me cook, clean, pay for every little thing, and that's not even getting started on the sex! That was all one way too!
So now to the claim that 'not saying no' leads to harlotry. Seriously, it does. Granted I'm a total whore anyway, but the amount of guys I've fucked simply because I couldn't say no? That's at least 4 of the 7, if not more! And the rest of the guys that I've shagged more than once I haven't necessarily been totally up for it every single time. But can I say no? No. I can not.
Let me just explain the actual background as to why I'm having this slight rant. Last night, I saw my ex-boyfriend - yeah, the one that's a total sponge. He basically told me he wanted me to move in with him in Cheltenham, that he wanted to take me on a date, and then proceeded with kissing me and sticking his hands down my pants. I can't say I didn't enjoy it, but I can't say it was my first choice of an evening's activities. Personally, I would have rather gone to see the guy that has been my fuck buddy for over 17 months now. I hadn't seen him for 6 weeks and he wanted to see me. (N.B. Fuck buddy & Ex-BF HATE each other) I told the fuck buddy I was at a friend's while out with the ex-boyf. So I got home at around 11pm, pretty much just changed, and went straight back out to see the fuck buddy, who banged me so hard I have been aching all day.
Totally worth being a whore for that, however, why could I not have just said no to the ex-boyf and not gone to see him? But seen the guy I wanted to see instead?
Sure my fuck buddy is totally using me for sex. But it was good. So fuck it.
However, now I have general life problems. I still care about my ex-boyfriend - as a friend. He's got a lot going for him, just got himself a great job and a new car; he is still an arse though, I am pretty certain of that. But the sex is way too good with the fuck buddy, although he has no evident career path or money. I'm not sure we'd fit together as a couple, but myself and him are total opposites. He is totally laid back and calm, whilst I worry and get stressed out. Maybe that makes us work? But I only ever see him for sex - so I have no way of telling if we'd work in a normal environment!
Maybe neither of them are right for me? But then, who is?
Oh dear lord, Help!
Shit.
C'est Moi
