Ding Dong, the Bells aren't gonna chime...

Something that's definitely not
happening to me any time soon...

On the 31st August 1990, my parents got married.


My Mother was 20years, 4 months and 16 days old.


I worked out that I was exactly this age on the 17th November 2011.


And Am I married? Do I have a fiance? Do I even have a Boyfriend? No.


This concerns me.


A friend of mine said to me the other day 'Don't worry, she was Mormon - You're the furthest thing from Mormon anyone could be... Don't worry!' And yes, he was right, however I was brought up expecting to be married by now. My Mormon cousin turned 19 in April and was married in July!


I guess I'm just feeling a bit lonely and down at the moment about the lack of accomplishment in my life.


Watching 'Don't Tell The Bride' on BBC3 is not helping...


Fucksake.

Facepalm

It may be 2:30am GMT but I just found this...


Texts From Bennett - Tumblr


and consequently will be up til dawn.

According to Wikipedia, the word 'facepalm' became an internet meme in 2008 all thanks to Startrek. Well, who'd have known!

Oh the McIrony of It

So I went to McDonald's earlier to get some hot chocolate. Couldn't actually be bothered to actually park and WALK so we just chose the handy 'drive thru' option. (Not only am I about to drink about 2,000 calories, but I'm also not going to burn any of it off by walking to get it. No no.)


We got to the #2.PAY section and this guy was sat there, headset and mcdonalds hat on...

Almost as bad as this guy.
He's laughing while he cuts down
the rainforest to make room for cattle farms,
employs the scum of the earth
and makes children fat.

'umm, sorry hun, you missed the #1.ORDER section didn't you? You're gonna have to go round again I'm afraid.'


So we drive round again like fools and stop at the #1.ORDER section...


McDonalds Guy: 'hello again, what can I get you?'
Me: 'Umm, 2 hot chocolates please' (again? pretty sure we haven't spoken before... we skipped this bit last time.. no?)
McDonalds Guy: 'ok, if you'd like to come to #2.PAY section'


So we drive round and he's just grinning at us...
'hey again, again, haha, that'll be £2.78...(£2.78 for 2 hot chocolates, srsly. But that's another subject)
If you want to drive through to #3.COLLECT section - Don't miss it!' 


I turned round to my sister... 'wait a second.... he just sent us round AGAIN even though he's the one with the headset talking to us out of the #1.ORDER box from #2.PAY section...! And now he's laughing at us! Oh god!'


Oh the irony of a guy that works in mcdonalds laughing at me. To be fair we probably made his day far more enjoyable.


Seriously though.


Can you believe he made us go round again?! Eurgh!

Badabadadaaah...

The Inappropriateness of Men

So I fucked this guy like 14 months ago. He was serriooously drunk and had spent the hour or so beforehand having tantrums and screaming fits outside his ex's house.


It was a sympathy 'this hopefully will help you get over that bitch and make you grow up' shag.
(Please refer back to my previous post about 'Saying Yes by not saying No leads to Whoredom etc' if you just can't understand how this is a reason to fuck someone. 'Cos believe me, it's really not. No. But 'No' was the one thing I didn't say. As ever.)


Anyway, I shagged him in my house - one of only three men that have had this great privilege and the only one of these that has done so while my entire Mormon family were in their beds just walls away... Wrong I know.


It wasn't the best shag ever - possibly due to his drunkeness... But he left pretty much straight away, not that I minded. I seem to remember describing this to friends as 'well he's not the best endowed, and quite a hairy shag tbh'


The next time I saw or really spoke to him again (other than the awkward 'just to make sure you didn't think that was anything more than it was' talk the next day) was christmas eve.


He turned up (Drunk, again) outside my house telling me he really liked me and kissing me, all in the hope of getting in my pants again I'm assuming. I do believe it was snowing and I told him it was cold and to go home...

This was the last I heard from him for a few months, when he called me drunk at 2am telling me he'd like to see me or something. It was nothing I really gave a shit about, hence the lack of commitment to memory.


The next time I saw him was in August. He turned up (Drunk, what a suprise) outside my house. Can't remember what happened then but I'm pretty sure his friend turned up and took him home.

I'm sure he's called me again (drunk) at 2am a few more times too, but the main reason I'm even writing this (at 2:30am...) is due to him just having called me 6 times and texting me, clearly drunk, telling me he wants to see me.


I mean srsly. He only calls when drunk or whatever, when I have seen him he's been extremely needy and to be completely honest, really fucking annoying. Why the hell would I want to get out of my bed, or off my ass and go out in the rain to see him?

No. Totally inappropriate. Literally.

<3 This!